Key Takeaways
- Dating applications create an incredibly unequal market, a "kleptocracy" as Andrew Huberman termed it, where a tiny fraction of users receive the vast majority of 'right swipes' and messages.
- This online market skew is far more extreme than what happens in real-world social dynamics, which tend to be more distributed.
- Initial superficial attraction, while always present, significantly diminishes in influence as people spend more time getting to know each other.
- Prolonged, personal interactions allow for more diverse and "idiosyncratic attractions" to develop, bypassing the market forces that dominate app-based selection.
The Kleptocracy of Attention
Imagine a talent market where 1% of candidates get 99% of the job offers. Sounds absurd, right? But according to Dr. Paul Eastwick, a psychology professor specializing in romantic attraction, this is exactly what happens on dating apps. He calls it “one of the most unequal markets in the world.” Andrew Huberman, host of the Huberman Lab podcast, likened it to a "kleptocracy" – a system where the most popular individuals effectively steal all the attention.
Online dating platforms, designed for rapid assessment, inadvertently amplify initial superficial traits. Users quickly swipe based on photos and brief bios, funneling attention to a very narrow band of individuals deemed broadly attractive. Dr. Eastwick notes, “When you look at who gets the right swipes and who receives messages on the apps, it's the most popular people.” This creates a winner-take-all environment, where those who fit a conventional mold get overwhelmed with options, while others struggle for any engagement, regardless of their deeper qualities.
Beyond the First Swipe: How Real Interactions Level the Field
The good news? This intense market skew doesn't last. The same rules of attraction that govern a superficial swipe don't hold up in the real world, especially over time. Dr. Eastwick explains that while initial attractiveness always plays a role, “the more that people spend time together getting to know each other, it reduces some of those... market forces that give the desirable people all the advantages.”
Think about it: who you choose as a co-founder or a critical hire isn't just about their LinkedIn profile picture. It's about their grit, their problem-solving under pressure, their humor, their specific way of seeing the world. These "idiosyncratic attractions" develop through shared experiences and sustained interaction. They can't be captured by a quick glance or a brief intro. In real life, the field levels out, allowing for deeper compatibility and unique strengths to emerge that the app's initial, market-driven filters simply miss.
What to Do With This
As a founder, stop treating your talent acquisition, partnership building, or even networking like a dating app. If your initial screening process relies solely on quick resume reviews, brief introductory calls, or superficial pitch deck assessments, you're running a kleptocracy. This system will funnel attention to the most conventionally appealing candidates or ideas, causing you to overlook incredible talent and opportunities that don't shine in a rapid, surface-level evaluation.
This week, for your next critical hire or partnership, bypass the rapid-fire screening. Instead, design a process that prioritizes shared experience and sustained interaction early on. This could mean a focused working session on a real problem, an extended coffee chat that allows for personal stories, or a low-stakes collaborative project before formal interviews. This approach counters the market's initial biases, revealing true compatibility and unexpected strengths that a quick "swipe" would never uncover.